my light ⛧
you are my guiding light and i am watching, i am listening, i am trying to follow. thank you for extending your hand to me now my morning and evening star.
a harsh reading ⛧
i think i'm being told to quit my patreon. initially, i'd thought that he was telling me to quit my job because it was kinda ruining my day every day, and honestly he probably was. with some gentle nudging of "bro i don't think you're all that informed on the local economy to be telling me that right now" i think he's dropped that point. but after a break from the "big change" and "it's no longer serving you" messages, it seems like they've come back.
but this pull i did last night was so blunt that i thought he was talking about my job again and was kinda confused since i feel like things at work have kinda evened out. i pulled death reversed, resistance of change. then, hoping to clarify, i pulled the wheel of fortune. like hello yes that clarifies nothing other than it's big. "you're resisting the change." "what change?" "the change." anyway the last was six of swords, distancing yourself from conflict to move towards peace.
since i'd rather keep posts on this page shorter, edit as of august, that blog post is gone but the tldr was i was procrastinating at art and i quit my patreon.
🖈 this is a page dedicated to my developing practice with lucifer. i have no prior experience with devotional practice or religion from the inside, but he reached out to me and i haven't looked back.
← Monumento Al Traforo del Cenisio-Frejus in Turin, Italy.
☽ ⛧ ☾ this page is best viewed on desktop and i'm just adding things in columns all willy nilly ☽ ⛧ ☾
a thought ⛧
i had a funny little thought this morning on the way to work which is that lucifer must be a god of the working man since venus is the morning and the evening star, most present when your average worker is free to be with him.
is it weird to refer to venus with she and lucifer with he and yet ultimately be talking about the same or similar forces? i don't know. i find it charming and relatable to have a god who can encompass so much gender and yet not be bound by it. thank you for being relatable my good friend, i promise to listen to you more… i'm not quitting my job, not in this economy.
tonight all the little bits and bobs i usually have on the table are going to sit on the windowsill. air them out or something, let them look up at the black night sky and hang out with our beloved friend and recharge.
Alexandre Cabanel - Fallen Angel
he's a clown ⛧
earlier this month i helped a friend move, it was extremely draining, to the point that i had to call off of work the following monday.
the next day i went to work as normal, tired as hell but i made it. i make a point to sit quietly with him in the evening when i get home and do a reading. that day he greeted me sweetly, showing me the world card. then, as i normally do, i asked how he thought the day went… y'all this clown gave me the knight of wands… adventure, confidence, youthful spirit. if you think that lucifer is a serious deity you're wrong, he's a jester jingling his bells to make laugh when i'm tired as hell.
"what should i reflect on tonight?" he followed that up with the 9 of wands, recognizing my grit even though i'm so exhausted. like being a sweet talker will make me forget that you honked your little red nose at me just one card ago.
the last words for the reading: 3 of wands, keep moving forward, a nice message that i would be alright actually.
long and short; lucifer, i love you, you can never convince me that you're dark and brooding and overly serious. you're too funny for that.
the message ⛧ a recap of the start of my journey
this is taken directly from a (now deleted) blog post on
total confirmation bias moment, yesterday morning i was about to leave for work and was opening my driveway gate when i found a peacock feather on the ground inside my driveway. an honest to god real feather from a bird not a fake one. now, that might not sound too weird other than the fact that it's odd to find peacocks in (undisclosed city). but over the past few days i'd been reading peoples posts on their experiences and their interpretations of history and mythology when i briefly read that lucifer can on rare occasion be associated with peacocks. the connection is with another religion the yezidis where their chief holy figure is associated with peacocks, but that the dominant culture around them regards them as devil worshipers (incorrectly). and i had only read that association briefly from one person and then not again. but i did read it and considering who i am as a person which is someone who loves to read tangentially related histories and be a repository of fun facts, it felt pointed. felt like "i see you seeing me."
i don't know, felt like the first tangible sign from any "higher power" that i've ever experienced. maybe it's fake, maybe i'm just burnt out and looking for meaning in clouds, but maybe it'll help and i'll get something out of it and that can be real.
the start ⛧
on friday, february 6th, 2026, i got my first message. i will admit—i was looking for him, something, anything. and when you're looking for things you're more likely to find them. but maybe it was the first time i was more honestly looking rather than the classic "if god is real may he strike me down where i stand" style of looking. i was looking for comfort, control, answers. what i've found is companionship, and a difficult mirror to gaze into. and there is comfort of course, how do you interface with a god and not find comfort? but it's the warm hand on your shoulder telling you that you can keep going, that you have to, that you're capable of it even if it's hard.