i love lying and being a liar. in looking to set up my gallery page (still a work in progress but there is some art there) i saw a new way to build this bitch that might actually make it responsive, so i did that. is it perfect? no. but it works. thank you andy my love my light for listening to me bitch all day. truly you're a real one.
also spent a good while getting posts scheduled for tumblr cuz i'm a whole month behind on posting there. so soon there will also be new art here cuz some of my favorite pieces are coming up. oh my god i just realized i didn't schedule one of my best ones yet and it's of my beloved cardi. what kind of sibling of sin am i if i forget my cardi? a tired one who needs a break lol. hopefully in february i'll be able to take a fucking vacation fr.
i’m realizing that with all the futzing and reading and half understanding what i’m looking at to figure out mobile responsiveness and how much more futzing and reworking it would take… i don’t actually feel like it’s that important. i should get off my phone more, you should get off your phone more. if i’m gonna look at a cool website i prefer to do it on my desktop anyway for the full effect. what if we just don’t optimize it for mobile? i don’t plan on doing any crazy graphics, maybe a wall of other buttons or something at most. and i don’t plan on making it any more complicated in layout other than maybe the gallery page or the shrines (if i can ever convince myself to start it).
so yeah, let’s just not give a shit about that rn. literally not that big a deal. i’ve got gay shit for my patrons to draw that i’m pushing off to futz with shit that doesn’t matter.
so bad life shit first; one of my friends at work got fired and from how quickly new hires/interviewees were being shown around they’d been planning it a while. which sucks. and they were an important part of the process too. so don’t fuck up and have no opinions and don’t be late lol. if i didn’t like my actual work or have any good skills in anything other than retail i’d consider leaving myself. but i don’t want to go back to retail and i’m paid too well to do truly not that much or that hard of work.
good life shit, unrelated to work; shout out to andy you’re a sweetie for liking my weird copia/oc art on discord. you don’t have to indulge my special interest and yet you do and you’re the goat for that. ♡
and yeah, i did in fact make up a whole original character just to make him kiss that old man, yeah he’s gonna peg that old man too, yeah i’m gonna draw that and post it and it’s gonna be hot and it’s for an audience of 3 at most and i’m one of them!!! now i need to decide if my cardi shrine is gonna go under the gallery tab, the blog tab, or have it’s own tab. either way i’m gonna have to figure out how to make an effective drop down menu cuz there’s gonna be more that one shrine at one point. gotta put one up for my beautiful idiot dnd characters.
i haven’t done any crafts lately so we can avoid making a project log for now. but that does tell me i should probably do some fucking crafts. like i have half an idea for a “sweater”, well one of those fashion sweaters that’s mostly open and you can see your undershirt, but it’s gonna be black and slutty and subtly ghost themed. but i should finish my weird ass shawl first lol.
…anyway, hope y’all had a good week mine took five million years.
... and then you browse other people's pages and read up more on how things work and realize wow, i was really going wild style on this bitch huh? just totally ignoring any kind of convention and making things way too hard on myself and overcomplicating shit. so anyway i totally redid this website top to bottom completely new save file in my program. copied very little over from my original files (blog post text aside) into this new build.
don't know how to talk to people and i'm worried that saying hey i saw your website and let it and your build inspire me to look into how to do shit right and in a way that makes things look cooler and work easier please don't be mad about how clear it is i stared at your code in the inspector all day yesterday.
BUT
that aside, if you see this wriorango i love your site it's so pretty and easy to use and easy to read i owe you my life. hopefully i can make this cooler on my own without being overly inspired by you as i figure shit out on my own.
also everyone who reads this (so possibly no one) should go look at his site it's so slick.
and as a follow up to how i'm addicted to the internet; it does feel funny to get into html as i recognize that i'm online too much. but it does feel different, because yes i'm looking at other peoples websites and i'm online reading up on how to do things, but i'm not passively scrolling. learning html and implimenting it doesn't feel like it's part of the same problem since it kinda requires that i'm present and paying attention and learning and not just watching videos or looking at pretty pictures and doing nothing with my brain. sounds a little bit like cope but whatever i think doing something engaging while using the internet is better than just scrolling socials. so hopefully i can keep up this good streak of using the internet as it was originally intended and not just as a brain numbing device.
there's a certain irony to realizing you're probably addicted to the internet and then posting about it online.
i've seen a lot of think pieces over the last few months about phone addiction, and i'd arrogantly thought "huh, that's interesting, but it doesn't apply to me. i'm not always on my phone and when there's nothing interesting there i easily find something to do", like an idiot. because yeah, some days i find it easy to put my phone down and do something else, but half the time my phone is down and i'm at my desktop doing the same shit but on a bigger screen. so when watching these video essays or commentaries and reading articles about people getting “dumb phones” i initially counted myself out of that group of people, it didn’t immediately seem relevant to me because i didn’t consider myself phone addicted. and that may be true! but i am probably internet addicted, which i see as a bit more broad than phone or even social media addiction.
cuz i’m definitely on social media a lot when i’m on my desktop. i’ll have my tumblr dashboard open for hours and scroll a few posts at a time between doing other things. or i’ll scroll until i run out of new posts and then feel some sort of ick feeling when there’s nothing new to refresh. and here’s another place i tricked myself into thinking that i didn’t have a problem; i thought that putting on a youtube video didn’t really count towards that. news flash bud, that’s still the internet, that’s still content and forcing dopamine into the system when i could be more focused on other things. it’s one thing to put a video on while working on a project but it’s another to be distracted by the video the entire time and then get distracted from the video by scrolling somewhere.
i’ve kinda lost my ability to sit in silence without seeking out some kind of stimulation, some kind of content. not to say i want to sit alone in the quiet doing nothing all the time, but i think the compulsion to seek out something interesting to look at every second i’m awake and not actively doing something else is probably not good. at the very least seeking out the scrolling activities over anything else. because it is distracting. i’ve found myself less able to draw or focus on other computer related tasks like writing or learning html. hell even reading longer form articles online can become a struggle when the short form scroll is right there.
even sitting down and writing this post wasn’t an uninterrupted, one and done task (normal life related pauses aside), i’ve broken it up with scrolling breaks too!
i’m not going to say that i need to completely cut the internet out of my life but rather i need to be engaging with it better. i feel like i kind of already have a leg up in that department by not using platforms like tiktok or twitter which (along with their many many separate issues) are algorithm heavy platforms. and when i’m watching youtube i’m actually watching it through freetube, which doesn’t have a for you page and it’s up next recommendations are not always stellar past the fact that yeah that guy is in that video too. but i do think i’m still engaging with the platforms i’m on irresponsibly. just because tumblr and bluesky don’t automatically feed you algorithmic content doesn’t mean scrolling through them until i can’t scroll anymore is doing me any favors. and not being able to watch a mid length video without seeking out a second source of content and stimulation.
and at the end of the day, i also can’t really blame myself fully. sure i’m responsible for what i open and click on and scroll through, but when real life is this big of a pain in the ass can you blame me? most people i know have some form of internet addiction, whether it’s specific to their phones or not. and yeah we can all be more mindful of what we spend our attention on, but can you blame us for wanting to see things we like? that are funny or interesting and make us smile?
so on top of trying to fix the habit of immediately putting my eyes on a content screen as soon as even an ounce of boredom hits, there’s work i gotta do in my actual life to make it suck less. some of that isn’t going to be fully up to me because the problems are big and systemic, but there are plenty of ways i can do it small and inside my own life.
i encourage you, anonymous reader on the internet, to look at your own internet usage. do you habitually scroll? reach for your phone with no real goal? open a social media tab even though you just closed one? how many tabs are you actively engaging with? what are you doing while the video plays?
I realized that I don’t normally keep a blog on my other socials, usually treating them more like a place just for my art or to be funny or make quick observations or just short form venting. so, treating them as the clout based social platforms they’ve come to be. meanwhile a blog is kind of meant more or less for journaling if you aren’t writing about any specific topic. and honestly i’ve never really been one for journaling. the way that people talk about it always makes it seem like it’s not something for me since I don’t usually have a need to process my thoughts through writing. I'm a lot more internal, finding it easier to work through difficult thoughts while doing other activities rather than setting aside time to sit down and think on them singularly. kind of the reason that “craftsman” is in my little about page, a bitch always be crafting.
but a blog, stripped to the studs, is just a log (a weblog if we want to be real old school), and I can keep a log. what did I do yesterday? well I did this. that I can do. which doesn’t feel all that important but really, does it have to be? do I have to be interesting? do I have to be funny or insightful and chasing clout?
hell, maybe through the act of logging my days (when I feel like I have something interesting to write about) I’ll accidentally do some journaling alongside my blogging. this already feels at least a little bit like thought processing. on top of that I can develop my writing voice. prose has never been my strongest suit after all. more of a dialog man, usually.
so as for actual logging of events, I went to a work party last night. it’s technically a christmas party but scheduled to avoid the actual christmas season where people are going to want to be with their families. this is when we exchange secret santa gifts and funny enough my secret santa couldn’t make it, so the scarf I panicked about finishing on time is still in its wrapping. a disappointment and a relief to be honest. disappointing that she doesn’t already have it and I can’t check “give lady her scarf” off my mental list, and a relief because that ugly thing didn’t have to be paraded around in front of the rest of the crew. I'm sure that most of them will end up seeing it anyway but at least it wont be in the context of “look at this thing that was specifically given to me as a gift for this event.”
I was really salty about going to this thing cuz I'm a d1 hater of work events. it’s not the fact that it’s a work event that makes me a hater about this either, it’s that I don’t enjoy being pressured to hang out with my coworkers off the clock. I mean I already spend 40 hours a week with these people, I’d like to see them a little less. there’s also this lame as hell popularity contest that we all vote on every quarter which I'm against on principle, frankly. are we 12? is this middle school? we’ve been doing it for three years now and there’s four categories a quarter and I’ve only won three times at a company of less than 20 people. funny enough I won one last night after complaining about it to a friend.
but other than that it was alright. the pizza was actually pretty decent. the person who had me for secret santa got me this nice mechanical drafting pencil and a big pad of tan toned paper. I'm mostly a digital artist these days but it wouldn’t hurt to get back into traditional. my partner and I played a few arcade games but I got overstimulated pretty quick, which I anticipated. it was loud as fuck in that room and some of the games were literally to bright to look at. but we stayed until 8pm, longer than I thought we would, but we were still some of the first to leave. not a total wash. and I was probably a bit more of a downer about the whole thing than I should have been but sue me for not enjoying it when my boss pressures me into social events. like I said to my partner, if I show up to the big one at the end of the year i’ll get less haranguing about not going to most of the others.
as for updates to this page, I'm thinking my “craft log” will be called a “project log” mostly because I’d love to document more of my personal drawing projects in it as well as my knitting. my patreon gets to see all the finished shit and votes on the things they want to see, but sometimes I do shit just for myself and don’t really update them on it. could be nice to put that kind of thing here, just for me, since my more personal work is usually not as big of an interest to my patrons as the things they’re paying to see. still gotta sit down and learn more about inserting images and that whole javascript thing. but whatever, might do that this afternoon. also maybe I should make the change log an iframe also? guess that depends on if I want it to be scrollable for every single change or if I’m going to start deleting changes after a while. another later me problem. and I'm still not fully pleased with the nav/aside and I really don't know what I've done to make it kinda fucked up differently on each page. another... another, later me problem.
hope the first week of the new year is treating you well 💛
spent the whole day off and on, with a nap in between of course, restructuring this thing to be a little bit more like a real website made by someone who knows anything about anything. still haven't separated the blog pages into months it's just not a thing I want to figure out at this exact second. that's a saturday problem. I did get the home page looking more interesting at least. are the to do and change log lists well formatted? not particularly. do I care? not particularly! but reformatted my code from inline css to a stylesheet so I have that going for me.
as for the new year, I'm not a huge fan of resolutions cuz they're basically doomed to fail, but a few smaller more incremental goals as a sort of frame for the year can be helpful. I wanna work on my time management for one, at least for my patreon. gotta make more time for drawing for the people who help support me and scheduling it on time for those who can't. like it's not actually hard to schedule shit I just hate doing it for seemingly no reason. I also want to get better at html obviously, and fill this place out with all the bullshit that I like. and I want to make more clothes. I knit and crochet and I have a few projects that I wanna work on.
essentially I wanna stick to my shit more, and I blame falling off my shit on getting a new job in april and having to take a few months to train myself in how to do it all and it completely threw off my groove, so to speak. I was so fucking exhausted for months after starting and thankfully I feel like I've pulled myself out of that. hopefully after I get through this post holiday rush I'll have even more energy after work and get back in my groove.
if you're reading this, I hope your new year was peaceful and that 2026 treats you kind.